29 Priceless Lessons Learned In My 20s
On May 21, 2019 I celebrated turning the big 3-0! The shift in energy is definitely present from 29 to 30, even if it’s just in my head (which, duh, everything is). Waking up, I find mySelf lost in nostalgia, recalling so many priceless things my 20s taught me. Today, I want to open up for all my 20-somethings out there. As humans, we are able to share information and life experience with one another, so that hopefully, we may learn from one another without necessarily having to ‘walk a mile’ in their shoes. That’s what I’m hoping to feel into today! I’ve lumped the lessons into my most prevalent life theme’s!
If you find yourSelf not asking questions or avoid talking about things you’re truly curious or concerned about, you may be afraid to hear the truth. Why is that? What does that say about the situation and your comfortability with yourSelf(and with your partner)? That’s something to look at! Everything is ‘make-better-able’ if both partners are willing and open to do the work.
Time is a true currency. Know where (and to whom!) this priceless commodity goes.
Don’t put a filter on the way you love! If you’re feelin’ it, spend the night, have sex, say ‘I love you’ first, ask them on the first date, do the surprises, don’t fear being ‘too much’ for them. It’ll only dim your light.
Shine Your Light! — It’s the easiest way to see whether you jive together. This is a fantastic way to attract new friend relationships too, call in your Soul Sisters (a must have!).
Lies aren’t good. You deserve to speak truth and deserve to know truth. Your partnership is your life, too. Lies make life messy, restrictive, secretive, argumentative, untrue.
Communicate openly. Disagreements and arguments are natural and healthy. How can you grow stronger together without brushing against the grain of your partner (and vice versa) regularly!
Appreciate and celebrate your differences! As individuals, we can get so irked with little ‘annoyances’ our partner has. Remember all that you have been through together and how many values and pieces of integrity are similar when you get caught up focusing on your differences.
Find a counselor and/or therapist! I think of them in the same way I take my car to get detailed and tuned-up regularly… You don’t want to wait until the car breaks down to go get it checked out. Check-in with each other regularly, don’t settle into monotony and sedentary life. Stay alert and vigilant, it’s your marriage!
Celebrate yourSelves! Celebrate milestones, make family memories (even in an age that always has their phones out!), find new ways to P-L-A-Y, keep things spicy, sexy, fun, new!
Most things you do impact the planet (whether directly or indirectly!). If that feels harsh, feel into it. Does it make you feel defensive? Becoming more aware of the industries you help fuel by contributing your hard earned money toward them is the greatest thing you can do. It’s really impacted my wellness on a foundational level. I feel GOOD about the choices I make because I’m consciously choosing them. None of us will ever be perfect, nor is it energetically sustainable to try attaining that ‘perfection’. Do your best, only you know what that is!
Every day, your thoughts, words and actions create your reality. So simple, so tough. It can take a long time to gain awareness of your own ‘character defects’, but this is truly the work of the purpose driven individual. At some point, we get to a place where we must question ourSelves, ‘Am I making this harder than it needs to be?’. When we have the courage to ask ourSelves the hard hitting questions, diving deeper into our internal realm, we can uncover some hard-to-swallow truths about ourSelves. Gaining awareness is 85% of the work when it comes to self-healing work. There are plenty of energetic healing modalities to shift and heal from any and every challenge (if you want to). Gaining self-awareness with intent to heal past wounds and grow will absolutely change your life.
Self investment is the greatest investment. Womens’ gatherings, yoga certifications, advanced education certifications, travel, retreat’s, online courses with facilitators I admire, podcast equipment, high quality plant-based food, music production equipment, costs of running a blog, these are what my table of Self-Investments look like right now. Whether investing in your career, health, hobbies, passions, art, making self investment a priority is making a personal pact to continue developing as a human. While nearly half of my 20s was spent traveling solo, internationally, the other half was spent on traveling for various passion-driven certifications. While traveling may be seen as more ‘luxury’ than ‘investment’ for many, and you can’t see exactly HOW something as simple as visiting another place will benefit your life… believe me when I tell you, a vibrant Self is a productive Self. When we are inspired by LIFE, we are driven to make more of life. This leads me to my next life theme…
Nothing provides life lessons and personal growth like travel (especially solo, especially international!). Immersing oneSelf in another culture shows how vastly different our own lives are and let’s us view life from an entirely new perspective. I, personally, believe everyone should travel solo internationally if they’re able… especially to non-english speaking regions of the world, like SE Asia. Europe is cool too, but there’s really nothing like being surrounded by thousands of people who don’t speak your language and having to get around/function by yourSelf. It’s so valuable in terms of gaining independence, self-reliability, resourcefulness and trust. While traveling may be seen as more ‘luxury’ than ‘investment’ for many, and you can’t see exactly HOW something as simple as visiting another place will benefit your life… believe me when I tell you, a vibrant Self is a productive Self. When we are inspired by LIFE, we are driven to make more of life. This is such a biggie, I’m making it the only pointer for the Travel life theme!
Everyone is creative. Some people have a greater proclivity to be ‘creative’ and some peoples creativity has just been more suppressed than others, for a variety of reasons, by a variety of people. It’s never to late to gain awareness over what your creativity wound world looks like for you (what started it, how it effects you, etc) and transmute it in ART (in whatever form/medium!).
Drop expectations surrounding creativity, what ‘good’ is/isn’t, what’s ‘worthy’’/isn’t, etc. Realize that what you think is absolute garbage may impact someone in a life-changing way (for the better, obvi).
“The more fun you have, the better it will be.” — Ayla Nereo is one of my very favorite singer/songwriters who told us this at a singer/songwriter retreat called Ancient Voices in Hawaii, Feb 2018. Whether we’re overly-critical, pessimistic, have negative self-talk or are just plain petrified at the idea of considering yourSelf a ‘creative’ person (I WAS!!), whatever your insecurity looks like, when we let it impact our ability to freely express ourSelves via our passions and talents, we’re only doing ourSelf a disservice. If you find that expressing yourSelf prompts issues with those around you (not being supportive/wanting you to be your happy/expressive Self), that’s a conversation waiting to be had!
Consistency is key. Creativity is like a muscle, the more it’s exercised, toned and tuned-up, to better and more regular your experiences will get!
Share creations you’re proud of, the world wants to see you shine (or keep it totally secret, whatever makes you feel good!). You’ll be surprised, what you think isn’t that ‘great’ or that ‘big a deal’ can make someone’s entire day/week (you get the jist!).
What people choose to see in you is a reflection of them, not you. Much of our Western world is run in a very masculine way, where if it does not make money or ‘serve community’ in an obvious way, it’s seen as obsolete. Many people take themSelves (and life) very seriously, and think that art and artists are a waste of time and space, that it’s for hippies, privileged, irresponsible, the list goes on. Don’t let ‘em get you down. There is nothing wrong with their way of viewing life if they feel it’s serving them. We need doctors, lawyers, bankers, nurses, etc (the ‘responsible’ jobs that keep our civilization running), but we also need things that inspire (not to say those careers AREN’T inspiring) and keep our hearts happy! Do YOU!
You attract where you’re at! If you keep wondering why you’re met with the same scenario/challenge, self reflect on it! Literally imagine staring at yourSelf in the mirror and ask yourSelf what the purpose in it is, what wisdom is meant to be learned, leaned into, or gleaned from this! We are meant to be met with challenge, we need it in order to grow!
Everything serves a purpose. Even when it isn’t obvious in the moment. Sometimes days, months, even years pass before we see the blessing in something we once perceived as a ‘setback’ or disadvantage. Have faith, be patient.
Find your WHY. In times of struggle or laziness, remember your why. WHY do you do the things you do (the good, bad, learned, mundane, special, selfless, caring, loving, selfish)? We all have those moments when we ‘don’t really feel like it’. A strong why helps us remember what we can envision and create for ourSelves when we show up.
What you do when no one is watching matters most. This one’s a given, try your best to take actions that are aligned with your values, ethics and integrity in every moment. If you struggle with this, never you fear! In my experience, it gets easier the more you do it. Energy is transparent, don’t cheat yourSelf! You’re so sooo worth it.
Keep your vessel clean/clear/open to receive. If you’re on this blog, I feel like you’re already tapped into the idea that we are more than our physical body, that our consciousness is separate from our physical form, that we have a ‘thing’ that is witnessing the thoughts we have in our brain. Regularly take into account what you intake, and lessen intaking the things you know aren’t good for it! Just like we are mindful of what we eat (for the physical body), be mindful of the other things we intake (social media can be McDonalds too), programs, accounts we follow, whatever our life looks like. When we take care of our inner and outer world, we are able to See with greater clarity, and it becomes easier to have awareness over when ‘dirty’ things try to come in. No harm, no foul, just be mindful and take care of yourSelf!
Develop a consistent (resonant) self-reflection practice. This is how we grow self awareness, by reflecting on who we are and where we come from and how far we’ve come!
Remember to HAVE F-U-N! Don’t take yourSelf or your personal development too seriously. Make it sustainable. Something you love showing up for. Also, let it shift/morph/change when it feels good.
Make peace with what you have no control over. Many of us are control freaks and perfectionists, our culture grooms us to be that way. Many of us try to ‘manage’ (control) outcomes and our emotions, which leads to great imbalance and dis-ease (it can manifest as physical disease in the body as well) AND we’re still out of control of what goes on around us, meaning, we are creating this unease for ourSelf. The only thing we 100% certainly are able to control is ourSelves. Manage that, and things will work out (though not in the way you want all the time, which is good and another part of the process.).
Allow yourSelf to FEEL deeply. Sometimes, especially in the ‘spiritual community’, we can experience blocks around feeling/expressing the less welcome emotions like fear, sadness, grief and anger. These emotions, when left unexpressed or unacknowledged, become suppressed and are stored inside us. Envision this concept like a trash receptacle filling up (yes, in this scenario, YOU are the trash bin!).
That which we can not be without must GO. Hahaaaa, I thought I’d end it on a serious note. How many of us have habits (ahem, addictions) that even the thought of being without freaks us out or causes a slight fight/flight response? Ya, probably something to look at! Ultimately, we don’t want to be a slave to anything: substance, activity, anything (in the way that our mood/demeanor is effected if we are without it). Stay vigilant with yourSelf, this is your LIFE!
With that, thanks for reading and to my 30s: