The Art of Intuitive Procrastination
In my mind, deadlines were always depicted as dark, shadowed corners in an otherwise well lit room, filled with cobwebs, spiders and other scary unknowns. In this reality, I avoided them like the plague. Yes, in my past, I’ve considered mySelf an absolute queen of procrastination. For years, it kept me from committing to much of anything. 'Is there a way I could start seeing it as more of a blessing than a curse?'. I started asking mySelf, daily. Through that curiosity, a ritual that would change my life, naturally, started to take place. I would approach my bedroom altar, call mySelf present by lighting my white pillar candle and with my raw Super 7 point in hand and ready mySelf for work. I started sitting in stillness, questioning what it was about deadlines that I was so afraid of. A myriad of words came through, all with a similar tone, ‘perfectionism’, ‘not enough time’, ‘it won’t be good enough’, ‘no one will like it’, from seemingly small waves of doubt to the bigger ones, ‘it’ll be awful and my career that hasn’t even started yet will be over’. This negative and fear-based relationship led me to more of the same, feeling helpless to break the cycle. Something had to give.
Through this exercise, and many since, it became apparent how
abusive and toxic I was to mySelf.
Over time, a new reality began to emerge. The looming threat, I realized, had little to do with my actual ability, and was actually helping me to paint a portrait of how I saw mySelf. This is where the real fun began. It was through realizing how weak, unworthy, not creative, unreliable, too introverted, etc. I saw mySelf, that I gained these pieces of self-awareness for the first time.
Cultivating self-awareness is 90% of the work. From there, anything can happen.
From this point I began diving into self-healing work. Thinking that maybe the reason I wasn’t good at ‘meeting deadlines’ is because I put pressure on mySelf to do the work. Pressure, and criticism are vacuums for creativity and inspiration. I started wondering if maybe it would be easier to finish projects by continuing to do the self-healing practices I love so much and letting the content come naturally, rather than trying to chase it down, constantly. The epiphanines that started to surface during these exercises were medicine my Spirit was in deep need of. Something about set & setting within a strong, safe and supported space leaves room to create boundless magic. Ritual around whatever work I dive into, both shadow work and celebration, has undeniably become, my greatest cohort for production, and thus, my gateway out of my toxic relationship with procrastination.
Day by day, streams of valuable content began flowing out of me, whether into my journal, or my audio recorder, which I could then turn into a blog post, workshop or future project inspiration. When I would do these practices, it seemed that time would slow down, whereas when I was feeling pressured and rushed, time was lightning fast.
What I’ve come to realize is that when I give mySelf the space and freedom to continue my spiritual practices and become genuinely inspired, the work writes itSelf. And I do it in a fraction of the time. The energy with which we approach a project will depict it’s outcome. In my experience, the project then, also radiates the same energy from which it was created. Coming back to this blog has been one of those daunting projects too! Many little issues that make me feel it’s ‘too much’ to get back on track. Hah! The things we tell ourSelves. Here’s to gradual healing, and understanding that nothing is too great a feat when rid the muddy waters and get clear on what we’re capable of!