Creating & Realigning Reality.
By choosing your thoughts,
and by selecting which emotional currents you will release
and which you will reinforce,
you determine the quality of your Light.
You determine the effects that you will have upon others,
and the nature of the
experiences of your life. -Gary Zukav
I've been feeling ultra inspired this week. This rush of good, creative, divine intent has been washing over me and I got to thinking... What is the difference between craving and wanting your Life to be something, envisioning this great business you want to start, or book you want to write, or friends you want to make, and actually doing/accomplishing/Being that person you imagine?
I believe that has to do with pure intent and awareness. I don't know your story, and I can't answer this for you, but I know where this lies in my Life. The formula may be the same, or very similar. For so long, for so many months I struggled to break free from this anxiety that was completely my reality. There was always this cassette tape in the back of my mind "Who do you think you are, what is it that you THINK you're going to accomplish? Why do you think anyone would be interested in reading a blog about YOU? Ohh, you think you're so creative, so special. Get a real job. You KNOW you're not good enough. You're embarrassing."
I wanted so badly to rid myself of this negativity that I couldn't run from. It was within myself and it's all I saw in anyone around me. I made assumptions about what I thought people were thinking about me, reasons why a coffee/lunch date was (always) canceled, came up with a million scenarios about what a terrible yoga teacher I was, what was I THINKING spending thousands of dollars on this certificate?! I gave up on myself every hour of the day. I intended to do well, and really wanted to believe in myself, but the truth is, it just wasn't there. The Well of Intellectual Self-Worth had been dry for years, and the only oases were continually mirages.
Where do you move from there? You see all of the inspirational and motivational quotes on Instagram and Facebook, but how do you get out of your reality, and even start to begin anew?
Two words. Go Inside.
Again, this is a continually evolving journey. And that's something I have to remind myself of, often. We're human, we're enamored by quick fixes, it doesn't make this any less important than what was pivotal yesterday or what'll shift me tomorrow. I'm coming to understand that the daily epiphanies I'm experiencing are the result of this rapid growth I've been flinging myself into and haven't been able to get enough of, the last year that I've been on this journey. After I left my nightclub job as a cocktail server, I basically took an 8 month hiatus and burrowed myself in my yoga practice.
Now, I know some of you have to be reading this and saying 'oh how NICE that you were able to take all that time off to work on yourself. So what the heck am I supposed to do with my full time job/husband/kids/LIFE, when I still want to find a way to work on myself?
That's the thing. Embracing and honoring the journey is paramount. Meet yourself where you're at. Don't try to sugarcoat, just be there. Don't set big expectations or specific goal posts. Set a goal that's realistic to YOU in YOUR life. If you know that all you can spare is 10 minutes twice a day, honor that block of time. Communicate with your family, if necessary; I do hope that anyone you mention this work you're interested in having with yourself is happy to see you take a step for yourself. When you help yourself, you create a larger reservoir to draw from when helping others. If they don't understand that, try explaining this to them. It's not uncommon for people to think of self-love and self care practices as selfish acts or a 'waste of time'. It's become quite normal for our society to suppress much of our traumas, worries, and stresses that we have in our lives. I believe that when you choose to suppress negativity rather than allowing for it's release, we create dis-ease within ourselves. It's unclear and different for everyone how this will manifest it's way into our lives, maybe it will be physical ailments, maybe it will be prolonged spiritual suffering. What I do advocate is to become familiar with this work, so that it becomes less uncomfortable and easier to discern clearly, learn from, and let go.
That's what I hope to explore more in depth with this blog.