Let me take you back to 2001. I'm in 7th grade, attending Becker Middle School, in Las Vegas, NV. I'm an energetic animal lover, and absolutely obsessed with Christina Aguilera. There is a special that I've been looking forward to for weeks, showing on either MTV or VH1, on her life, and how she got to where she is 'today'.
I'd been begging my parents to help me record a sample tape to send to various record labels, I really felt that I wanted to pursue a singing career, which my dad was really supportive of. We developed a fun schedule where I'd pick a certain number of songs, memorize them, and sing them to him every week. It was really fun, and every single (literally) day, I'd come home and watch this TV Special on Christina Aguilera, so full of inspiration that she followed her dreams and was now a 'superstar'. I did wind up sending a tape to labels, and never heard back from anyone.
I've always lived to sing, growing up in every type of theater, musical, improvisational, and loved that feeling of stepping into the shoes of someone else, seeing what that was like. How appropriate, for the woman I am becoming still, today.
Did you have a passion growing up that you don't practice anymore?
A few years ago, I stopped singing. I told myself that I never became famous, and actually wasn't a good singer. This feeling was exaggerated by a boyfriend I had for 4 years, who hated hearing me sing. He had the most intense anxiety I've ever seen, which affected me in a number of ways, but at the time, I didn't know what anxiety was. Anytime I'd sing, he'd talk about how girls are just inherently 'good singers', so it was nothing special, but men actually have to try. Anytime I'd play the piano at his house, he'd leave the room, and tell me to stop because it was annoying and too loud. These were things that closed off my throat chakra even more, and completely made me feel like I had nothing of substance to offer anyone, and that I didn't have enough to deserve to be loved.
Posting this video that I recorded in January 2016 is really a great moment for me. I'm liking sharing videos of my past, further explaining who I am and where I've come from. Not in an egotistical, attention-seeking way, but moreso, to share stories of overcoming discomfort, and growing more comfortable in my own skin.
I'm singing my favorite Christina Aguilera song 'Keep On Singing My Song'. Knowing Christina's past with being bullied and finding success at such a young age was massively inspiring to me. I was her biggest fan from the moment 'Genie in a bottle' came out; every (single..!) day, when I got home from school, I'd sing her entire Stripped album. Really. Every song, every day.
Something that I think is a little different about me is my unwaveringly dedicated loyalty. When I find someone I really love and respect, I try to find out absolutely everything I can about them. I want to know every square inch of their story, I've only had a few people that make such big impressions on me (Regina Spektor and Lady Gaga as well). I'd come home, and before I knew the lyrics 100%, I'd light candles in my room, turn off all the lights, and just lay on my bed listening to the stories she told in each song.
My parents really gave me a lot of space when I was younger, I think a lot of times they were trying to focus a lot of their energy on my older sister, Charity. Which was fine, I became very independent and passionate about my own projects. My parents always supported me. And now, as an adult, I've thanked them for that. I know it really helped in my growth and development.