Jumpstart 2019 : Heal Internal Ailment

After taking quite the hiatus from my blog, I was pleasantly surprised to see the traction from my previous post, Laying Fertile Ground For A Promising Tomorrow.

Today, we’re diving a little deeper.

For those who continuing to forge a path forward, I thought it'd be fun to draw awareness to some pieces of ‘shadow’ that may present themSelves along the Vertical Path, followed by a medicine option. For every step forward on my own journey, I also choose to draw attention to any ‘shadows’ that may be presenting themSelves, and devote space/time to sit with and come to understand those, before releasing and continuing to move forward. 

Think of working with this awareness as self-heal medicine.


What’s a shadow?

(…sounds spooky)

Many refer to ‘shadows’ as pieces of the Self we are ashamed, resentful, judgemental and avoidant of recognizing, acknowledging, taking responsibility of and most importantly, loving. They are often deeply rooted beliefs in our subconscious and, ultimately, keep us from embodying our Higher Selves.

If associating parts of yourSelf as ‘dark’ or ‘shadowy’ is uneasy or causes discomfort… why is that?

Some of the most beautiful and necessary aspects of the human experience happen in the space we can not see (growth, rest, recharge, night time, death, ocean depths, emotion)

If something is pulling on you and isn’t looked at,

rest assured it won’t be the last you see of it! 

Ailment : Spiritual Ego (in regard to expansion)

Expression: Judgement

As so much new, valuable information comes in, sometimes a 'soapbox mentality' can slip in, especially in the first years of the ‘awakening’ process. We find ourSelves preaching newfound (and PROfound!) personal Truths, disapproving of others life and lifestyle choices, believing ourSelves to be more highly ‘evolved’, enlightened, etc.

In early years of my awakening, this was totally me!! My close friend and family relationships actually got strained and worsened, because I believed, on some levels, that I was ‘better’ than them. 

This is the ego seeking recognition, approval and (sometimes, a form of) elite status. It’s important to check in with and be aware of. Intense judgement also, likely, lives here, being critical of the choices of others. 


Recognize that where every individual is at is perfect for them in this moment. Remember (many) times where you were making choices that weren’t aligned with who you are now. And how you were meant to experience life in that lane in order to be where you are now. 

Ailment : Admiration Fatigue

Expression: Comparison/Competition Mentality

Sometimes we can be so busy checking out what everyone else has going on that we can’t see what is special and uniquely working in our own lives. I don’t know about you, but I can slip into modes of placing those I admire on a pedestal and really looking up to them, placing them above me and forming opinions of mySelf that actually stunt and hinder my own growth, by believing I’ll never be able to attain the measure of self-assuredness, shine, etc. that ‘they’ have. 


What aspects that you admire in others do you also recognize in yourSelf. Doesn’t it make sense that we have a sense of sweet admiration for others who have stepped into something that we may find scary, unattainable or are unable to understand?! Remember that admiration is actually a facet of yourSelf that has not been fully expressed (yet!), but you have every capability in you to also radiate that specific vibration (in your own unique way).

Ailment : Refusal to Acknowledge the Dark

Expression: Spiritual Bypass

Shadow, trigger, challenge, whatever word resonates with you, we know that the light can not be acknowledged without the dark. Just as Sun rays possess the power to grow, warm and burn us (if we are excessive!), there are equal and opposite strength and power qualities in the darkness and shade of the moon.

This is a big reason why Moon Ceremony can be so powerful for many.

New Moons focus on planting seeds, generating intention.

Full Moons focus on celebrating that which has come to fruition and releasing unhelpful excess.

It is an offering for those who seek to sit with their internal and emotional Selves, to understand their unique inner world more deeply.

By learning to acknowledge and sit with whatever darkness comes up (each passing month provides both New and Full Moon that changes, in 12 months each sign in the zodiac is presented), we are able to learn more about ourSelves, and engage in practices that intentionally ‘let go’ of those old habits/patterns that no longer serve our Highest Good.

Here is a very quick example of what each zodiac may look in terms of general ‘darkness’. 

Aries- Laziness 

Taurus- Stubbornness  

Gemini- Scattered

Cancer- Victim Mentality

Leo- Overly competitive

Virgo- Judgemental

Libra- Narcissistic 

Scorpio- Lies

Sagittarius- Dogma

Capricorn- Pessimistic, Critical

Aquarius- Detached

Pisces- Escapist

Spiritual Bypassing is a tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to avoid facing unhealed trauma, unresolved emotional issues, and strong ‘negative feelings’, instead sidestepping these areas in favor of more ‘love and light’ themed concepts or glossing over entirely. Spiritual Bypassing may show up as: anger avoidance, emotional numbing (suppression), judgement of Self or others (for experiencing negative feelings), overemphasis of ‘the positive’.

Ask yourSelf, where does my need to ‘only see the good’ come from? Why disregard the very real experiences that surface more unpleasant feelings that (very obviously) reside deep within? Where do these programs come from? While you may feel better in the moment, getting raw with yourSelf and understanding that these unacknowledged pieces are very much alive, if ignored, aspects of your Being.

Remember that on the quest to acknowledge and love ALL of the Self — includes the challenging stuff too! It can’t be Love and Light every moment of every day, there is no balance in that. In my experience, this is where the nectar-rich well of True internal power lies, just waiting to be tapped. If we can learn to love the parts of ourSelves we are triggered by, ashamed of and feel guilty for experiencing, we can be freed of the power they hold over us. 

For me, sitting with these experiences has proven to be some of my most powerful works in self-healing.

Shadow work shows me how unique, Divine and perfectly imperfect I am when I make peace and patiently work with mySelf.

I hope this has been helpful for you!

Please comment below and share what you are currently working with in terms of self-acceptance!

Until next time,