A Rise To Challenge
- an objection or query as to the truth of something,
often with an implicit demand for proof.
This has been a circulating topic amongst friends in my community a lot, the last week or so. The Universe has a funny way of challenging you in the ways you need it most, even if you can't see it at first. As I grow stronger in this work, and trying to narrow the scope of what it is that I was placed on this earth to do, I've been consistently met with people who challenge me. They can be seen as annoyances, disturbers of 'flow state', or just plain 'haters', but it's really dawning on me that, just as I believe 'everything happens for a reason'... These challenges are no exception.
I'll write another post that goes more in depth with the chakra imbalance work that I did while at Symbiosis Gathering 2016 another day. It may help to map this out a bit more, but basically... My throat chakra was blocked. In the chakra system, it's said that when discovering blockages in the higher chakras, one must first discover and remedy imbalances in the lower ones before clearing the blockage. Makes sense, right?
I had irrational fears from being raised to believe that the world was out to get you, and that danger was likely looming around every corner. Those fears were intensified after falling victim to a mugging in high school where I was sure I'd be raped and killed, and then having a girlfriend almost killed after waking up in the middle of the night with a man at the edge of her bed with a pair of shoelaces in his hand... In a house I'd lived in for years. We both survived, but not without the stains of what could have happened cementing themselves to our psyche. That fear manifested itself in various ways of my Being, it triggered enormous fight or flight reactions, and developed into anxiety and insomnia. A need for control, at the very least. Which I tried, for years, to medicate with alcohol.
From my early childhood memories of being at school, eager to make friends and 'fit in', I began adopting different aspects of the friends I was making. Laughs, mannerisms... All the while hanging off whatever friend I'd become infatuated by, begging for acceptance. This followed me to older years, bouncing from clique to clique in middle school, seeing who'd allow my presence for more than a week or two without getting kicked to the curb. I'd save money from a mineral cosmetics company I worked for to afford 2 American Eagle shirts I could layer (when graphic tees were ALL the rage), so I'd be invited to sit with the popular kids at lunch... And when that invite came, I'd be reduced even further by getting shoved to the end of the table while the royalties of that social hierarchy would glare and gossip wanting to know what it was that I was doing there. Another group of friends would tease me about my feet, flat chested-ness, skinniness, upper lip peach fuzz, asking me to please go and eat my lunch in the bathroom, because I was an embarrassment to everyone. Obviously.
How dare I.
From those experiences that I couldn't make sense of, my self-confidence reduced itself to almost nothingness. The ugly words spoken to me seeped into my personality and I began feeling unworthy of friends; like a freak. I never wanted to bother anyone with anything, and attributed my fierce independence largely to these hard days of my adolescence. These feelings of unworthiness, I never let go of, and became incredibly aware of over the course of the 4 day transformative festival.
There are a lot of other things that aided in developing these blockages, and without ever releasing any of them, it's easy to see how things like this build up, and why it is that our country is in such sadness and turmoil currently. Without release, these fears and experiences sit in our bodies and manifest themselves in a variety of ways; tissue inflammation, depression, insomnia, forms of anxiety, disease, overall health and well being decrease.
I guess, in comparison, I lucked out. I haven't spent decades trapped in unhappiness. I'm still quite young, and am excited to have realized that this is the type of knowledge that once you learn, you can never tune it out again.
Well, you could.. But why would you want to?
So what does all this work have to do with the title to this blog post? That was a whole lot of backstory. My point is this: Everything that I've ever been through, seen, witnessed, been affected by served a purpose. It lead me to where I am today. This chapter that's beginning to unfold to something I believe will impact my future.
That's another thing. This isn't about me. I feel like a part of my work will be connecting and communicating with people about transformation and spirituality. We all have very special abilities within us; call it gifts, wisdom, service. We have something that's unique to us, a combination of our makeup and experience's we've had here on earth that can be a catalyst for massive change, growth and development.
And sometimes, in the middle of all this goodness and expansion, little (or BIG) pebbles are waiting on our path to shake us up. They draw us out of our flow state, challenge our beliefs and force us to reconnect to what it is that we believe in. People pop up wanting to know 'Who do you think you are?', 'Why should anyone listen to you?', 'You're delusional/crazy.', 'Oh, you think you're special... Get a job.', etc.
And a lot of times... The people cropping up are the people closest to us. Our siblings, parents, oldest friends; people you'd like to assume are in 'your' corner, and, rather than questioning you, are open to understanding the journey you're on.
I like to turn these stumbling blocks into stepping stones.
There was a big rock we used to use as a door stop when I was growing up. It was given to my parents by a friend and was painted with flowers. On one side, it read 'Turn your stumbling blocks...' and on the other 'Into stepping stones.'. It's funny that I call upon that memory now because in the last week both of my parents have (separately) expressed their disappointment for me in my journey. My mother's fear is that the path I'm going down will draw me so far away from 'God' (I haven't associated myself with a religion since I was 13.), that I won't ever be able to turn around.
An ironic thought.
I've haven't been closer to a feeling of God since I was young. This spirituality that's growing inside me has nothing to do with religion, and I feel great peace in that. I love explaining myself, especially to my parents, but if my path isn't leading me to their God, it's not right in my mother's eyes.
Sometimes I think those closest to us are able to provide the greatest challenges. In this case, they provide opportunity to better communicate myself in hopes that they'll understand that their belief system isn't the only way. It's a form of exercise to see whether the same message could be delivered in a clearer, more effective package, tailored just for them to understand. I'm on a journey to liberate others to find the route or pathway that works best for them to become their greatest, most powerful, vast and expansive Selves.
Rules directly constrict growth.
They stop you from going outside of what's stated and considered as relevant.
They only concern the perspective of whoever made them.
We all may as well be identical twins on the outside compared to how intricate and individual our insides our.